The Otter on the Airwaves
My adoring readers. I must apologise profusely for my absence of late. I feel quite dreadful for having left you without theological nourishment for a whole month, like a poor inept husband whose wife has gone away for a spa weekend, failing to provide adequate home-cooked meals for reheating. I hope you have scraped through and that your spirits are not shrivelled and perishing.
Life has been extraordinarily busy. In addition to leading a thriving riverside church with figures in the mid-double-figures, I have been engaged in an increasing number of extra-ecclesiological activities. Not for me the ‘abandon your church for the rock-star-preacher lifestyle’ trend we have seen spreading throughout Christendom of late. No! I am juggling both heads of the ministerial-chimera: local and global pastoral responsibility. International speaking tours, book launches and web-conferences, right down to the mundane setting out of the 34 chairs in our church on a Sunday morning: I am humble and versatile enough to handle the whole gamut of Christian work.
But enough about me! Let me talk, instead, about my ever-blossoming ministry.
You will be thrilled to know that I have been in negotiations with various Christian TV channels to launch a brand new reality TV show, which I’m sure will break some new theological, cultural and artistic ground. God willing, Celebrity Pastor Swap should be hitting your airwaves soon (assuming you resisted the temptation to purchase the Sky Sports package and instead spent your money wisely on the infinitely more edifying religious channels package - otherwise your missing out is judgment enough!) The concept is simple; we take a pastor from a well-known megachurch and swap them with a leader in an alternative church that happens to bear the same name. Each contestant gets to lead the rival church for one month, making any changes they want: hiring, firing, changing the worship style, and redefining the doctrine. The results could be hilarious! What could possibly go wrong?
Imagine the fireworks if Rob Bell and Mark Driscoll traded places in their respected Mars Hills for a season? The entertainment potential is unprecedented. Just picture John Piper spending a month in Bethlehem Baptist Church, Llanerch-y-medd, North Wales. Or Joel Osteen baring his shining white teeth in the pulpit of Lakewood Mennonite church, Friesland, The Netherlands. Sadly we’ve yet to find another church called Saddleback, or indeed Ring of Bright Water, so Rick Warren and I are unable to participate… unless someone cares to plant new, strategically named churches in time for the second series?
At the end of the month, the church members will be given the option to stay where they are under their old pastor, or defect and follow their new leader. The leader who manages to poach the largest number of congregants will win a free God TV subscription, a copy of my book Puffed Up: A Theology of Arrogance and a hand-carved commemorative plaque indicating their induction as an honorary member of The Order of the Otter. Who could ask for more?
Do pray that the negotiations proceed without hindrance and that we are able to begin production in the next couple of months. My relationship with the Christian networks has been somewhat strained since they rejected my earlier pitch for Heal or no Heal, in which budding miracle-workers are set against each other in a test of faith. I trust this will be an opportunity to settle our differences and forge a healthy relationship. Who knows, this might even open the door for a whole raft of new Christian game shows… Strictly Come Flagdancing anyone?
Comments
By Karen Thatch on 25/10/2011 at 16:26
I would totally watch this programme…Hilar! Please someone make this game show…